It’s the kind of day where I have to wind it up reminding myself I did something worthwhile, and did not waste everything.
So. 3 things I accomplished:
I initiated getting out of the house together for a couple things we haven’t done in months: taco Tuesday OUT (and eaten outside at their tables which we almost never do because it is not cozy safe or contained enough for me and the feeling of air touching me is distracting but today it was a pleasant success) and a watefront mill WALK.
Over 12k steps today (in spite of headache & blindingly bright & sweaty sun)
Called my mom (good thing too because she has COVID and wasn’t going to tell me if I hadn’t called her)
Started the dishes
FINISHED the dishes
Took out the glass plastic aluminum recycling
Journaled. At least three times I turned to pen and paper to get the thoughts out the spin cycle in my head.
I also remembered to practice my “thinking, doing, or resting” awareness & refocusing tool.
And I came up with more than three things to feel proud of, and feel better and more ready for sleep now.
How do you want your days in 2024 to be different than your days in 2023?
How marked a difference?
I have the power to change my daily life in so many ways.
To spend more time listening to sounds like rain like I’m doing right now. Forced by my last migraine and my last period of the year to just lie here. And listen.
Rest. Recovery. Recuperation. Regeneration. Reflection. Rejuvenation. And to come out of these periods of time REBORN.
I’m still working on putting this belief into practice, and being able to rely on myself to protect times of rest like a little baby lives inside it. Because they do.
Honoring a Sabbath and taking sabbaticals are two ways of implementing this practice of resting on a regular basis with strong traditions to back them up.
Syncing up special rest time with the dark phase of the moon is another way I keep promising myself I will keep restful time on a regular basis, but failing to do.
Today the moon is new. Officially exactly in the same hour I am writing this. And writing this is not rest, so I am going to stop here and allow myself to sleep at three-thirty in the afternoon. ALONE. With room darkening shades pulled in a clean space that is empty of all but a very few personal items chosen especially for this time of rest. And I will not feel guilty about it even though tomorrow is a special love-date for my wife and I, and some people would say that if I’m not working, I should be entirely devoted to the social energy of appreciating my wife and our marriage. But this year, with her support, I’m doing what I know is right and best for me to have the energy and capacity to be loving to her and others: I am spending our anniversary-eve ALONE. Resting. Enjoying solitude and as much sleep as I can fit in. Even though I keep wanting to tell her to come here, now. I am prioritizing REST FIRST. Knowing what is restful to me, which may not be what is restful to others … affirming that everyone deserves to get the rest they need, even if it is not what the picture of “rest” looks like in other people’s dictionaries.
“I made an arm-mounted “mini desk” that can hold both index cards and sticky notes, to help keep me focused as I run around the office trying to get things done.” – D. Sri Seah
In comments someone said:
“You should check out quarterback gear. I often see quarterbacks and/or coaches with these!”
to which they replied, “Someone told me it’s called a ‘wrist coach‘”.
I love the wearable clunky analog plastic+paper thing and how much more useful it is than (or at least AS useful and cool) smartwatches that people allow to interrupt them with notifications every time they get a text or call. I love the tracking and timekeeping aspects of my FitBit, but absolutely do not enable the intrusive stuff. It fits with the affirmative examples / models / users of people who employ index cards A LOT (Ryan Holiday / Daily Stoic, for example).
All of this stuff makes me feel so much less self-conscious and embarrassed about having elaborate systems and space and lots of time devoted to planning, tracking, noting, logging, envisioning, writing, synthesizing and STUDYING.
I always feel inspired and affirmed by Seah. They have been a major influence (maybe *the* biggest inspiration) in making me feel permitted and even useful, productive and *cool* (by my nerdy standards) to USE trackers and planners, to CUSTOMIZE my own printables, and to allow yourself to PLAN on having a shitty minimally-productive day, give yourself credit for what you can (and DO) do, and practice radical (self-) acceptance ON PAPER, in writing, without shame. Where is that, again … oh yeah, the Annoyed Task Planner:
“Everything Annoys Me Today and YET I WANT TO WORK”
room for angry scribbles
a log of annoyances
a manageable planner (“three mundane things I can tolerate doing”)
an invitation to reflect and note how you feel after doing each of those things
it mirrors your negativity in a funny externalized way you can laugh at (ex. “Today’s Stupid Date”) and puts your grouchy feelings into perspective, making you feel more acceptance and less shame, and see that this is not the worst day or experience ever
it invites you to do that serenity prayer thing and CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN, starting with recognizing you are not fucking up to changing the whole world or solving all your problems with a radiant smile today AND THAT IS ACCEPTABLE! You *accept* yourself and how it is, and move on from there, which results in the funny thing the psychs say that it is when we accept ourselves just as we are that we begin to change. As Seah says,
“Strangely, this indulgence of displeasure always seems to have an uplifting effect on me. I can’t stay in a bad mood for very long…”
A perfect example of how when we feel like we are bad and NEED to change, some survival-love part of ourselves balks defensively and won’t let go of the bad feelings and gnawing on the BADNESS of them. When we just say I feel shitty today and it feels insurmountable but I want to do SOMETHING … maybe I can? Let’s see what I can do here… And you give yourself a little time for breaking pencil lead with angry scribbles and laugh at yourself … moving on to what you can accomplish comes naturally, and accepting what you *don’t* accomplish and what you already left undone (by waking up late, for example) is signed off on, documented in writing, and now you can f’n file it and LET IT GO.
Even though Seah values and prioritizes social connections a lot more in their projects, planning and prioritizing (something I always want to turn upside down / customize differently when I use their printables), it doesn’t make me feel like I’m broken or that their work has nothing to offer or teach me.
So happy always, every time I check in there. I have PMS today so it is helpful to get out of my own overthinky weird head and just feel enormous love and relief for someone I *love* for being so thinky and awesomely-weird and who I would never want to feel bad about being that way.
“WEIRD” is so valuable. Weirdness helps make us IRREPLACEABLE, and so obviously humanly alive.
. . . an entry a day compiled from my (Trixie's) short Twitter posts.
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