• My first bowel movement of 2014: an epic & robust portent of abundance, pleasure, good health and ease for the year to come! 12:15:43
  • I'm not "shitting" you at all when I say that's the first good sign / thing to make me excited about this new year. 12:17:11
  • This is for sure the hardest & wettest I've laughed in 2014 so far. http://t.co/X18nyxLgNS 14:56:07
  • I was trying to have a nutritious shake with my apple … and failed to thoroughly cap it first. That's all. http://t.co/iRHcdCVOzK 18:40:27
  • Eating chili for dinner, watching this movie where Hugh Jackman has hairy balls on his neck. It's kind of stressful to watch. 19:01:07
  • Oh wow. Movie 43 is worth watching so far – the bit with my FAVE/Naomi Watts as the homeschooling mom is right up my alley. 19:12:54
  • What?!? I LOVE this movie: "it's not about how fancy it goes IN; its about how fancy it comes OUT." #Movie43 19:19:05
  • Last selfies of 2013 & first selfies of 2014: http://t.co/47mxBkzjzL – if you're bored of self-shot portraits, resolve to QUIT ME NOW! 😉 22:31:07
  • But yes, I *do* get sick of myself. Which is why I totally understand if you're sick of me too so NO HARD FEELINGS. 22:33:51
  • Love is, like, SO. ANNOYING. 23:04:04
  • These are my BOOBS tonight . . . aren't they cool? http://t.co/H57QgkX7g2 23:37:51